Attn: Steve Jobs

I'm as impressed by all the latest techno gadgets as the next person.

• iPhones have KILLER APPS!
• iPads are saving the publishing industry
• iPods play music and shit

And yet... I long for more.

I long for:

The iBall

A computer shaped like a crystal ball! Imagine sitting in coffee shop surrounded by dorks with lame "traditional" computers, while you summon all world knowledge with a glowing electronic orb, like some sort of elven princess or wicked witch?
That would be totally wicked.

Looking up the weather forecast would be immensely more enjoyable. And that is already pretty enjoyable as it is!

Imagine Skyping with an iBall. Magic!

I am so excited for this product to go on the market. A google search tells me that I am not the first to think of it, which kind of pisses me off. But imagine how much greater and more dramatic my anger would have been if I'd found out that bad news through my iBall! I could have screeched with rage and summoned some flying monkeys to attack my enemies.

http://tv.adobe.com/show/learn-indesign-cs4/

LouReedbook

Rachel just told me about a facebook application called catbook, the purpose of which is to post pictures of your cat. We joined in lamenting our mutual lack of cats to photograph. Then I struck upon the momentous idea of simply drawing cats and posting those pictures. But I didn't feel like drawing cats. What were we to do?

Rachel reached for her sketchbook for inspiration. How about GirlSittingOnABusInGuelphbook? ADinosaurThatKindOfLooksLikeADuckbook? No. Horrible, disgusting ideas.

And then we found her drawing of Lou Reed with a Really Small Hand.

And LouReedbook is born! Right here! Dear Reader, cut the umbilical cord and be the godparent, won't you?

Ha, ha, ha. Yes, I see. Very droll.

I realize that the complaint I am about to share is not original. I realize that many, many, people have said this before me. An episode of Seinfeld was even devoted to it. But I'm going to go ahead and throw this thought into the universe yet again. Because I can. And because evil must be pointed out over and over again if we hope to ever defeat it.

The New Yorker cartoons (often) make no sense, are not funny, and are designed to drive you INSANE.

Those bastards suck you in with their fantastic articles, and then give you this:



I always expect that some day they will reveal that their cartoon selection is a cruel sociological experiment designed to shortcircuit pretentious minds, but it seems that they actually choose them based on some sort of legitimate criteria that doesn't include their ability to send me into a fit of rage.

I heard an interview with the cartoon editor Robert Mankoff. Apparently this is his criteria:

1) He wants cartoons that communicate some idea through the medium of humour
2) He wants them to make a point
3) He wants them to have an enduring nature
4) He wants them to strike a chord
5) He wants them to have a distinctive voice

Those are noble goals! I can see why they get such satisfying results.

I shall never forget the meaning of that.

Silhouette Masterpiece Theatre!!

THIS IS MY NEW FAVOURITE THING ON THE INTERNET

Silhouette Masterpiece Theatre

Beautifully combining several of my favourite things: silhouettes, old-timey stuff, and jokes!

Pepsi!

This is funny. Someone, possibly the people who created the new, awful Pepsi logo, have released a pdf of a redesign presentation. It is great, especially when a diagram illustrates Pepsi's gravitational pull in the shopping aisle.

Please ignore all the silly commentators (and the poster) on Brand New who have no sense of humour and don't understand that this is a joke.

SuperPost

Rachel and I have set up a heck of a lot of categories in this here blog. Time to cram them all into one SUNDAY SUPER POST, random point-form style.

AFRICA

• As much as I agree with Palin that her fellow republicans are jerks for spreading rumours about her dumb questions during her debate prep, I have to profusely thank Americans for not electing a V.P with such a pitful understanding of Africa.

ART

• Hey! art’s great! Am I right?

BOOKS

• Currently reading Watchmen, thanks to Rachel. It’s starting up pretty slowly so far, and I’m looking forward to more action. I have to say that Rorschach was a great idea for a character, visually.
  

CAILIN

• I wonder how many people are actually called Cailin in Ireland? (It’s Irish for “girl”)

COMEDY


COMIC

• If it is at all possible that you are not yet aware of The Perry Bible Fellowship, get reading.

ENGLISH

• I had NO IDEA James Joyce was such a dirty, dirty man. If you’ve seen his love letters to Nora Barnacle, you know what I’m talking about.

ENVIRONMENT

• I wonder if the fact that my new low-flow shower head requires me to take about three times as long to wash my hair as it used to cancels out the water I’m supposed to be saving in the first place...

FASHION

• You know how JFK destroyed the hat industry by strutting around bare-headed? I’m hoping Obama also makes some huge male fashion impact. At the moment, I’m rooting for him just bringing the hat back.

GOSSIP GIRL

• haven’t seen the show yet, but that one brunette looks like a doll. This is my insightful observation!

JAMIE TUBBS

• I just accidentally typed “Jamir Tibbs.” That would make a great alter ego.

JOKES

• D.L Hughley’s are not funny.

LOGO

• At least if you got McCain's campaign logo tattooed on your body you can pretend you were in the navy or something...

MOVIES

• Anybody seen that “Nick and Nora” Micheal Cera one? How was it? I can’t see it because the title alone enrages me. Nick and Nora Charles forever!

MUSIC

• It’s been pretty great listening to civil rights movement music this week.

POLITICS

• I missed the last Liberal leadership convention since I was abroad at the time, so I never saw how handsome that Gerard Kennedy is. I mean, he’s no Justin Trudeau, but you take what you can get.

• Also, did anyone ever chant Hur-RAE, Hur-RAE for Bob Rae?

POLL

• Ah, how I will miss CNN’s POLL of POLLS.

QUOTES

• “ Just had a great lunch. Wham, bam, thank you ham!” - Jordan Morris, via twitter. He makes me laugh.

RACHEL

• What a pal! What an asset to civilization!

ROMANCE

• So many great romantic tales seem to hedge on circumstances that could have been altered by the slightest thing, like missing a certain bus or leaving a party early. Makes one wonder if, say, an ill-timed Steve Irwin impersonation might have cost one one’s soul mate. One would feel like a real jackass if that were true. One would indeed.

Good thing God doesn’t ever confirm such things. "THOU HAST TOTALLY BLOWN THY ONE CHANCE FOR TRUE LOVE, THOU IDIOT.”


SARAH PALIN

• She should get to keep the clothes. Come on!

TELEVISION

• I miss Mad Men.

TRAVEL

• I just watched a video of Obama playing basketball, and it looks like his buddies are letting him win. Unless he is the best at all things?

• The travel connection: I’m pretty sure traveling is something basketballers do.

VIDEO GAMES

• I could go for some treasure mountain.

ZIMBABWE

• is Ewbabmiz backwards!

Phew, this was difficult. Good Night.

Jokes

A: knock, knock,
B: Who's there?
A: September eleventh,
B: September eleventh who?
A: YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER FORGET!

FACT: Contrary to the opinion expressed by Ms LeAnn Rimes, a sturdy set of blinds can fight and defeat the moonlight with ease.